The camera pans to the announce team.
Good day people, and welcome to episode 398 of Riot!!
Can we just go home already? We should be on vacation!!
The all too familiar haunting twang of Rob Zombie's "Devils Rejects" kicks in to start the show and the crow respond with vocal jeers, a C4 chant washes over them as an amused looking Lucas Crowe steps out onto the stage.
Crowe: You can chant all you want but, and trust me on this, it's going to fall on deaf and incompetent ears.
Crowe chuckles as he is now joined by Eli.
Crowe: Whilst they are torn apart by in house bickering again and again, the house that Trance built towers into the sky, unblemished.
The fans respond, reminding the selective memory affected family; "c'mon Luke, c'mon Luke, c'mon Luke."
Cobra: Woah, woah, woah, just what exactly are you trying to get across you mindless drones.
The crowd boo as Cobra steps onto the stage and the trio make their way down to the ring as one.
Cobra: You can cheer for Luke as much as you want to, but just like brother Lucas said, he too was a victim of in house conflicts, with, as it turns out, that farm hand moustache wearing Bobby Minio...
The fans now chant for Bobby.
Cobra: You people are so easily mislead, just like poor, unfortunate Luke... Myself and Father Trance gave him a purpose, a FAMILY and instead of crossing his heart and opening his mind he opted to narrow his horizons to the other worlds and blunt the nose of the great Jacob Trance.
Eli motions for the microphone and receives it, it looks like he's going to speak but instead drops a knee and holds the microphone like a sword, stick pointing to the ramp.
At that, the man of the hour walks onto the stage, world title held aloft. The jeers of the audience reaches fever pitch and Trance just laps it up. He slings the strap over his shoulder and walks down the ramp and enters the ring. He looks around at his gathered family before seizing the microphone, causing Eli to return to his feet.
Trance: I would like to thank each and every one of you in this building for that harmonious and heartfelt greeting.
The crowd show their lack of appreciation, this time chanting "you're not Jesus."
Trance: You're right, I'm my Jesus. I am the here and now, I am the relevant deity, a prophet. You might say the spirit of Jesus beats within my heart, but that would be bragging. When I started all I had was Sid Harrison and Eli, now look at what I have created. Jacobs Falls has a population of twelve thousand, my family, the house that Trance built is stronger than it has ever been before. All of those that have opposed us have either fallen by the way side, C4, Sean McGee, your great and mighty dragon, Tobin Frost...
Jacob shakes his head.
Trance: And then you were going to put all of your hopes into Hide, but Hide knew better, he knew exactly what you people were driving him to, damnation and destruction. He choose the path of light and for that we applaud him. For that I want all of you to applaud him, to stand on your feet and give him a rousing cheer! Brothers and sisters, welcome the harbinger of the End Times, Matsuda!
Matsuda makes his way onto the ramp with microphone in hand, his hair a wild mess, completely different from the well maintained locks he was known to sport. A weary stubble graces his face unable to hide his massive otherworldly grin spread from ear to ear.
Matsuda: Why, Matsuda, why? I feel like we've been here before. Am I to blame that you people have such short term memories? Or were you truly convinced that after a year of playing grab ass with the likes of Dupree, Dimsmore, and Patolomai the DEVIL could change his stripes?
The crowd pops for three parts of the Ambition Four as Matsuda methodically makes his way to ringside.
Matsuda: When I came to this company nearly four years ago I established myself. I built myself an ivory tower based on MY talent. MY consistency. I am above the ebs and flows of this company. When times are tough and the OCW begins to suffer who do we lean on to keep this company afloat? Good, bad, or indifferent, the answer has always been Matsuda.
Matsuda: So when OCW faced a new threat, a "psychopathic cult" in the Family, who do you people turn to? Your heroes have all come and gone, but Matsuda remains a shining beacon in his ivory tower. As the levies break and all the vermin drown in the accumulation of their sins welling up around their waists, you will all look up to me, in my ivory tower, and beg. "Save us, Matsuda! Save us from ourselves!" You will say. But this time, I look down upon you from my perch and I whisper, "No."
Matsuda: No to being the forgotten backbone of this company. No to working a thankless job that you all will quickly take for granted. Two weeks ago, for the first time I made a decision with no philosophical motive. Two weeks ago, I finally acted as selfishly as each and every one of you would when put into my shoes. I made the decision to join the Family because unlike the OCW Universe, that jaundiced oaf Mugen, and that six year old parading around as our CEO Jaysin Sensation, Trance and his family have MATSUDA's best interest in mind. Through the family I will become the golden god who I deserve to be. His will be done, through me.
Voice on the Speakers: Cut the bullcrap Matsuda.
The cameras immediately pan to the X-tron where we find C4, The One Man Revolution Bobby Minio and The North American Champion Mugen walking in the hallways. Bobby of course has the microphone in hand...
Bobby Minio: We couldn't stand the ear bleeding nonsense and suckfest that was going on in the ring and made it our priority to stop you.
Mugen takes a mic out of his Ribera Steakhouse jacket.
Mugen: Seriously, get off of your self righteous pedestal and listen to yourself. All I hear is bla bla bla "Thank you father trance" bla bla bla "my own interests" bla bla bla GAG.
Mugen starts fake gagging from vomit. The C4 pair make their way past Luke Fuentes who Bobby gives a nod to.
Mugen: Take a look at your disgusting hobo looking self and then take a look at who you have surrounding you. You got some ogre who can barely put together a complete sentence. A guy who thinks he's a vampire, some Paul Pugh lookalike, a street urchin who tries to pass as a preacher and my former backstabbing friend, you look equally as pathetic as everybody in the group.
Mugen and Minio make their way to the Ortiz position and ask for their music to be played. As Glitch Mob's Can't Kill Us plays on the arena speakers the pair walk through the curtains and pose for the crowd to a big pop.
As the C4 chants start rolling in, Minio starts speaking again.
Bobby Minio: You hear that boys? They want C4 here. They want us to come out here and shut you all up.
The crowd pops in response.
Bobby Minio: This is what you’ve resorted to, Matsuda? You were apart of one of the most dominant and over tag teams of the last calendar year and you threw that all away to sniff Trance’s throne, right? You know what it smells like? Empty promises, failure, and smoke that has been blown up his Jim Jones wanna-be keister by people JUST LIKE YOU, who are dumb enough to feed that clown’s ego!
Both Trance and Matsuda no-sell Minio’s verbal offense. The crowd does not.
Bobby Minio: .. but you two, it’s more than that, right? You’re both a couple of vibe sucking sociopaths who feed off of each other’s BS! Your egos exist side by side, like some kind of binary star, I know this ‘Suda, because I know you’ll never be capable of putting YOUR ego aside to make room for someone else!
As Minio begins to fire up, Mugen pats Minio on the shoulder, a reassuring chuckle punctuating his gesture.
Mugen: Ha, alright man, let Trance have some.
Bobby Minio: That fact quite literally shook OMG until all of the moving pieces fell apart! Where is Dimsmore? Where is Patolomai? Gone. They’re all gone, because your ego, and Dupree’s ego, could not co-exist in the same space. It brought about the pro wrestling singularity, and you absorbed all of that heat, all of that energy, until it was JUST YOU. Now you jump on to Jacob’s Ladder over here to suck what’s left out of this TOO!
The two men begin walking down the ramp, very slowly, as Mugen lifts his mic to speak.
Mugen: You got him man, what about AC Cobra?
Bobby Minio: Who? Sorry, all I see is a bunch of gullible hillbillies orbiting a couple of ID planets out there in the ring. What did they make you do to get in, ‘Suda? Huh? Did they jump you in? Huh? Did they skip you in? Play some tetherball? What did they make you do, to lower yourself, to being another one of Trance’s duped cultists? Huh? Did they make you climb Jacob’s Ladder? Or did you just have slide down his pole?
The crowd instantly reacts with a deafening “OHHHH” as Mugen turns his head while squinting. Trance continues to no sell, seeming to absorb some adulation coming from the crowd that is anything but. Matsuda however, is now paying attention. He’s not offended. He’s not hurt. He’s listening.
Bobby Minio: That’s right. I’m not afraid of you, Matsuda. Mugen and I?
Minio turns and pats Mugen on the chest while maintaining eye contact as C4 continues to move down the ramp and closer to the ring.
Bobby Minio: We’re the ones that are golden. We don’t need no suits. We don’t need no top hat. We’re gold because C4 survives, and C4 goes over EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. Especially you.
They stop at the foot of the ramp, Matsuda is near the ropes now, staring down at Minio with a mixture of curiosity and intensity.
Bobby Minio: Tonight, I get to write the wrongs of my first few months in this company. You beat the hell out of me, ‘Suda, you left marks on me that I’ll have to live with until they put my worthless husk to rest, but tonight that is not gonna happen. Because tonight… I’m gonna kick your turncoat ASS!
The members of the Family pour out of the ring on the flanks of Mugen and Minio. Trance watches his men move, but he’s yet to give C4 the satisfaction of a response or a look. Matsuda however, looks ready to vault himself out of the ring and onto Minio’s skull. The two men at the bottom of the ramp trade looks. They consider the fight for a moment, they weigh their odds, but Mugen shrugs, and Minio nods understandingly.
Bobby Minio: … but that’s for tonight. You leave your boys backstage? I leave my main man back here in the locker room as well. We do this in the ring, no flaming tables, no kendo sticks, and no back up. They can come out and dust you off when I’m done with you.
C4 turns to leave, the crowd cheering in appreciation of tonight’s main event. The Family read the situation and begin to reorganize. In the ring, Matsuda nods along, accepting Minio’s challenge. He shouts the words “We’ll see! We’ll see!” off mic, but Mugen and Minio leave with their back to the men in the ring. Glitch Mob's Can't Kill Us plays over the PA speakers as C4 walks backstage and the scene switches to the announcers table at ringside.
For the 'TL,DR' amongst us...
||They throwing down son!! Tonight!!
||Is it wrong that Malice gives me a semi?
We turn to the parking lot for some reason, as Johnny Law and OCW's resident animal hunter, Drago Cesar, are planning something. Drago has a bag next to him on the ground that one can guess that it contains a number of non-lethal weaponry.
Drago Cesar: Tonight Johnny, we face a very familiar opponent in very familiar territory, one that last time, I successfully captured! But it seems this time, it is now personal!
Johnny Law: No Disqualification! Anything goes here, no rules, no mercy, and according to The Jaguar, ALL THIRST!
Johnny Law: ....So what the hell are we doing here in the parking lot?
Drago Cesar: Ah, yes! You see, Johnny, what I have seen is that this Jaguar has not only remembered how we captured it last time, but it has also produced offspring that is very danger to our community. Allow me to demonstrate!
Drago walks over to a vehicle that has tarp over it, which he then pulls off to reveal........a Jaguar convertible.
Johnny Law: You're seriously thinking that THAT'S Raze's kid?
Drago Cesar: But of course! Since last time, the Raze has made this VERY big baby that might even be stronger than him!
Johnny Law: So he's a car?
Drago Cesar: It is a she, Johnny. Even though she is a big metal now, we can weaken her by giving her what she want, so that her belly is full and she is the too lazy to retaliate!
Johnny facepalms as Drago takes out a 2 liter Gatorade bottle and walks up to the side of the car. He takes off the gas cap and starts pouring in Gatorade where the fuel should go. After quenching the thirst of this beast, Drago steps away and takes out a net from his bag, looking like it has a shiny metal sheen.
Johnny Law: So what's with this net?
Drago Cesar: You will see, Johnny.
Drago tosses the net at the car, which lands on the roof. Drago pushes Johnny back as they step away from the vehicle. At first, nothing happens. After about 30 seconds, the alarm goes off, which prompts Drago to run away from the scene, as Johnny reluctantly follows. They watch as a distance as all 4 tires on the car simultaneously pop off, and then the car crunches itself up into what is just a piece of scrap metal. Drago claps in amusement as Johnny is horrified.
Drago Cesar: VICTORY ONCE AGAIN! HAHAHAHAHA! NOW THE JAGUAR SR WILL BE TOO DISTRESS TO FOCUS ON MATCH! I AM INVINCIBLE!
Johnny Law: Drago, we'd better get outta here before the cops are on our asses.
They run off as the segment fades to black.