The sound of a whiny voice ranting echos through the cavernous cinderblock bordered backstage room. The scene is the same we have seen many times over, this arena could be anywhere, but we have specifically seen this room earlier tonight. A laptop sits on a table with a lonely cellphone left beside it. On the screen, the OCW live webcast is still running across the web. Stephen Hailowe continues to rant at whatever viewers would rather punish themselves by watching the webcast instead of the television show, while Nick the Co-host sits slouched in the chair beside him. Nick’s look says it all. If this were a parody film, he would be a skeleton, covered in cobwebs.

Stephen Hailowe: but you would defend a man like him, wouldn’t you Nick?

Nick the Co-host sits with his arms crossed, he barely acknowledges Hailowe’s inquisition with a shrug that would take a high speed camera to articulate over a replay.

Stephen Hailowe: WOULDN’T YOU NICK?! NICK? NIIICCKKK! I’m sorry am I rocking your whole WORLDVIEW off of it’s axis?

Co-host Nick: No, you just talk over me whenever I re-

Stephen Hailowe: See? See this is the problem! Now the great and powerful Nick is gonna ‘mansplain’ me into submission!

Co-host Nick: Mansplai-

Stephen Hailowe: Give me all of your powerful manly wisdoms Father Nick!

Co-host Nick: Aren’t you ALSO a man?

Stephen Hailowe: No. I’m man+. I’m too EMBARRASSED to call myself a man like the rest of YOU.

While Hailowe looks all too proud of himself for the statement, Nick the Co-host slumps back in his chair, his hand moves up to his head flashing the C4 symbol… wait, no it’s just a good ol’ fashioned finger pistol. He dramatically mimes blowing his own brains out, his head whipping back violently as he slumps down further and rolls out of his chair, and out of the camera frame.

The camera viewing the laptop pulls back just as Bobby Minio walks into the room. His instant reaction of relief explains that he was looking for his misplaced phone. As he walks over to grab it, he stops, realizing the screen, and Hailowe’s attempt to steer Riot viewers away from the show using the company’s own website, are still on.

Stephen Hailowe: All of this so you can stick up for a self centered, unreliable flake! He’s just another oppressive monster, Nick. He’s just another condescending know it all mansplainer just. like. YOU.

Nick the Co-host’s only response is a short groan from somewhere behind the desk. Hailowe shakes his head.

Stephen Hailowe: Well since my professional level co-host can’t pull HIS weight and contribute to this show, I’m going to take callers. The number is at the bottom of the screen. Tell us why you’re enjoying the webcast more than that misogynistic propaganda campaign this company tries to pass off as a ‘wrasslin’ show. Tell me where you see this company going in the future!

Stephen Hailowe: Spoiler alert, STRAIGHT DOWN, like the quality of the product. Duh.

Without hesitation, Minio grabs his phone and begins dialing in the number. The conversation plays out in real time over the laptop speakers and Minio’s present voice.

Stephen Hailowe: Welcome to Hailowe’s open minded power hour, who’s this calling to talk to me?

Bobby Minio: It’s your late interview guest, Minio.

Stephen Hailowe: Oh great, here to apologize for everything you’ve done to the less vulnerable less fortunate?

Bobby Minio: How do I even reply to something like that.

Stephen Hailowe: You can start by being a better person, because so far you’ve been nothing but SCUM.

Bobby Minio: What did I even-

Stephen Hailowe: You mistreated ME. You mistreated various women around the locker room!

Bobby Minio: What? I-

Stephen Hailowe: I’ve heard A LOT of people say you’re EXTREMELY unpopular with the minority population on the roster!

Bobby Minio: What?!

Stephen Hailowe: You’ve even HIT a woman before!

Bobby Minio: It was a wrestling match! I didn’t even HIT her! I-

Stephen Hailowe: TRIGGER WARNING!

Bobby Minio: What are yo-

Stephen Hailowe: Great. Just great now you’ve triggered my WORST childhood memories. Say goodbye to MY day. See? Mistreatment. Emotional harassment!

Bobby Minio: … Listen. You ca-

Stephen Hailowe: NO! You listen! For once! You listen because we’re all done with your explanations. We’re all sick of your ego and your ownership of all things not male, BUDDY. You don’t get to call MY show. Interrupt ME when I’M speaking! Harass ME. Try to intimidate ME! Blocked. Goodbye you harassing LOSER.

Before Minio can even react, the line goes dead. On screen, Hailowe lets out an exasperated sigh. He begins to highlight supportive tweets from viewers of the show who are condemning Minio’s strong arming on the phone. Minio looks on dumbfounded. He finally shuts the laptop, the sound clicking out, and emits a sigh of his own.

Bobby Minio: How do these lunatics get jobs? How do they keep jobs?

He stuffs his phone into his hoodie pocket as he lingers a moment. He looks at the laptop again before shaking his head, and this situation, off. It’s clear now that he needs to refocus on the task at hand. Matsuda. The Family. Jacob Trance… and Paul Pugh. Things like this? Silly little distractions from egos that throb like an exposed nerve, starved for attention. For a moment, it looks like it’s all beneath Minio. He turns and leaves the room for a second time this night. Oblivious to the fact that even concepts this small have a funny way of gaining momentum.

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