The Camera Pans To The Ring!
Scene opens with a close up of a large, very large, paper mache volcano, equipped with fake plastic trees, high and dry off of the base of the volcano. Everything in it's right place, there, there, even a lotus flower placed high upon it. The camera pans across a couple of tiki torches, faux palm trees, and over to Versus, smoking a vaporizer next to Ed, mixing drinks behind the bar at the tiki hut.
Versus: I might be wrong, but that is a fantastic looking volcano! No?
Ed: Best one yet.
Versus: I really have to thank the creators and donors of this.
Versus pulls out a paper and begins to read.
Versus: The Erect Octogenerians of Washington...their tagline is "Blue pills or not, please come touch it."
Versus and Ed stop, and both shiver in disgust before continuing.
Versus: Wow...just...wow.
Versus refocuses, as hard as it may be (get it? I used the word hard, specifically to refer to the old people with erections, but also used it to segway into the next part of this sketch...genius right? I know).
Versus: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure you've watched Riot by now, and saw what my next guest...neigh, WHO my next guest had, locked in a bulletproof glass cage, like some kind of Spanish animal...like...like Rosie Perez, or Rosie PEREZ! Sitting on the guest stump today, the one and...thank god...only, Mugen.
The camera pans over to Mugen, who is placing a clean white handkerchief over the interview stump, before he sits down.
Mugen: Do you realize how much I had to lower myself to even show up to this mistake of a show? I have a ceremony crowning myself as the one and only OCW World Heavyweight Champion but I felt like hey, I'll do him a small favor.
Versus: Um...thank youuuuuu?
Mugen shakes his head and places two fingers on the outside of the bridge of his nose, and breathes deeply.
Mugen: Another reason I came here was to dangle the carrot that is your friend, and former owner, Sensation, in front of you.
Versus: Good, well, I'll have you know I don't even like carrots, so dangle all you want Plastic Man. What I wanted to talk about was getting my friend back from your basement zoo.
Mugen: That is a premium holding chamber, not a basement you neanderthal. And you will not get him back.
Versus: That's what you think, but I was paying close attention the other day, and I wrote down your codes.
Mugen: Did ya now? That's cute.
Versus: I then misplaced the codes, but nothing escapes this lock-trap of a mind.
Mugen: Except manners, common sense, any understanding of reality, cleanliness...
Versus: If I didn't have any manners, then why did I offer you a drink?
Mugen: You didn't?
Versus: (Blank stare for a second) So the code, if I remember correctly, and I remember seeing it 3 times. It was 212718201. See!!!
Mugen: Wow...that's one. What about the other?
Versus: I got that one too, 201...201...2018675309.
Mugen: Nope.
Versus: 227123456?
Mugen: Nope.
Versus: 1877kars4kids?
Mugen: (singing a bit) K-a-r-s cars for NOPE! Give up now you useless idiot. I'm actually enjoying my time here. It's not every day you get to see a monkey learn sign language, and this is as close as I can get this week.
Versus: Just give us back our friend, the man who set the foundation, built the walls, tyvak'd those walls, then put up a very nice wood paneling and a bay window! Give us back Jay.
Mugen: No. Your friends have been trying to find him, you've had missing posters put up everywhere across the globe, FANS have a find JCS website, and still, nothing.
Mugen: Because you are all peons, and will never, EVER be smart enough to figure out where he is, or where he's going. And I will not be done, until he is exactly what I want to make him.
Versus takes a hit of his V-Vaporizer (copyright Versus 2016) and the figurative light bulb goes off over his head.
Versus: What if I give you unlimited cocktails at the Tiki Hut for life?
Mugen: No. I wouldn't drink your cheap liquor.
Versus: V-Vaporizer?
Mugen: I could fire you for that you dummy, but no.
Versus: Ok, what if I just figure out the next location myself and go there.
Mugen explodes in laughter.
Mugen: OOOOOOHHHHHKAYYYYYYYY!!
Versus: I'm thinkingggggggg....France? Because, if all my worldly travels have tought me anything, Maison means house. So, Mugens House or House of Mugen...I dunno.
Versus: But why would you call your house...in DETROIT, Maison de Mugen, you wouldn't have...or even want a house in Detroit...even people who live in Detroit don't want a house in Detroit.
Mugen begins to stop laughing.
Mugen: Go on, you are getting warm. Maybe.
Versus: You're not a Paris type though...you're more wine region, I've seen the collection you had in your throne room last time I was in there. WAIT!! You had like a case or two of Pauillac! So...it's somewhere in Bordeaux!!
Mugen immediately gets serious.
Mugen: You couldn't...wait...you...you're wrong.
Mugen is getting fidgety, and reaches for his phone before Vs grabs his wrist and stops him.
Versus: It's not nice to make phone calls during an interview. Ed, get the car...
Mugen pulls his hand away.
Mugen: You don't grab the boss...nobody grabs the boss, and you're not going ANYWHERE! Tonight, Mr god damn Smarty Pants, tonight you're going to have a match.
Mugen: Even though you failed miserably in my King of OCW match, you will have a match. And I know you, and I know you're considered a wrestling purist...so tonight, you go one on one with Crossbones for the Hardcore Championship!.
The Crowd Cheers!!!
Mugen: I can't wait to see him break your skull open, and your tiny brain leak out like a marble out of a bowling ball.
Versus: That's fine...I got friends. Ed get my phone.
Mugen: You're going to be far too busy for any phone calls.
Versus: What? It's a phone ca...
Mugen quickly grabs one of the tiki torches and lights the volcano on fire. Which...not surprisingly, engulfs in flames in a matter of seconds. Mugen runs out of the room, while Versus and Ed try to gather what they can.
Versus: Ed, grab my bag, and the Rum...get the Rum!! This volcano's for real gonna blow!
Ed: Rum....bag....scotch...got everything.
Versus and Ed quickly run out of the room, watching the entire engulf in flames. The reflection of the fire flickers in Versus' eyes, as his happy demeanor vanishes, and flashes of VFM come across his face.
Ed: Breath, let it go, it's all material posessions V. Breath, don't let it overtake you.
Versus breathes in deeply a few times, and regains his smirk and composure. (Not even a 'signature smirk' like some people think you have...nobody has a signature smirk, jackasses).
Versus: Thanks old friend. I need you to find another locker room...talk to that hot blond and her virgin friend and see if I can bunk with them for the show. Give me the Rum...I got a visit to make.
The scene fades out.
The Camera pans to the announce team!
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The Saga Continues! |
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Wu-Tang! |
The Xtron Flickers on!
Last night at his local gym, Jimmy Henry returned to the ring for the first time since WrestleLution, two and a half months ago. He had an exhibition fight, with the English middleweight professional boxer, Prince Kareem.
Kareem is in the USA filming a part in the latest sequel of a well-known boxing movie franchise. It is rumoured that the charismatic fighter is currently in contract talks with OCW, as his boxing career has peaked, following consecutive losses.
At short notice, Jimmy & Kareem were able to sell-out the gym, with all proceeds going to a local children's charity.
Xtron Flickers On!
The Camera pans to the announce team!
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Good to see him out and about! |
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WHERE HE BELONGS in a LOCAL GYM WITH YOKELS!!!! |
Tiberius Octavian Dupree is having difficulties. You would think those difficulties would be the 2 huge matches he's competing in, for tonight he has to face the OCW North American Champion Drago Cesar and long time rival Dimsmore.
No sir, Dupree's difficulties are not double duty, but "Bubbamon Go", the new gaming app that has swept the wrestling world. Out of pure curiosity he downloaded the game to his phone just a few minutes ago.
Having such a monumental task of facing possibly the best pound for pound competitor in OCW right now- Drago Cesar. While also having to go toe to toe with The End Dimsmore for his Ambition pride, he decides to detach himself from this world momentarily.
Sitting on a stool backstage he attempts to play, while talking aloud.
Dupree: This game is freaking stupid...you can't catch anything with this dumbass net.
He's flicking his thumb back and forth on his phone unsuccessfully.
Dupree: Who uses a goddamn net anyway, it's the 21st century, use a freaking tranq dart or cattle prod. Or be a true savage and just shoot the damn thing, that's my kind of game.
Dupree: Everything I catch is just a lion in different stupid looking outfits....
Out of the corner of the camera's view, we can see Bubba's eyes staring at Dupree from a distance.
He thumbs his touch screen repeatedly.
Dupree: Arrgghhhh this freaking net is slag swipe!
Frustrated Tibby shuts off Bubbamon Go and puts his phone on a nearby table. He stares into the camera with the usual inferno behind his eyes.
We see Drago Cesar enter the scene with the Bubbas. He leans up against a wall behind Dupree as he speaks.
Dupree: The Hunter becomes the Hunted is what I'm supposed to say, that's what you all want to hear, am I right?
Dupree: Sorry I don't do cliche' or run of the mill, I don't do Turmoil.
He very SERIOUSLY cracks his classic half smile.
Dupree: I'm thinking more along the lines of The Hunter gets mounted on my wall right next to The Menace or The End whatever stupid name he's calling himself now.
Drago's face starts to scrunch up slightly in annoyance.
Dupree: Hell, I may just mount Lacy's head right underneath his, maybe she'll finally shut the hell up. Probably not, nonetheless that is exactly is going to happen.
Dupree: Just like me not only beating the answers out of Dimsmore and leaving Drago in a questionable state, I'm also going to be crowned the King of OCW.
Dupree: Oh and if that upstart with a field of four leaf clovers stuck up his arse Dennis Black somehow defeats the Scumbag I'll eat his lunch too. Leave him and Drago sitting at the freaking kiddy table together.
Drago silently sighs in the background.
Dupree: Bottomline is...Betterness. Tonight. Tomorrow. Forever.
Dupree turns around and is startled by the sight of Drago on his phone, swiping away at the screen.
Dupree: The hell are you doing with my phone.....Wait, have you been here this entire time?
Drago shows the phone screen to Dupree, and swipes the screen, causing a net to come out and capture a Bubbamon with shades. Drago whips the phone at Dupree, almost causing him to drop it.
Drago Cesar: Not that hard, you know. Net is very effective against creature like that.
Dupree looks around in bewilderment as Drago crosses his arms.
Drago Cesar: Good luck on Kumite tonight.
Drago walks away with the Bubbas as Dupree scratches his head in confusio
The Camera pans to the announce team!
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KUMITE!!!! |
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It's gonna get real deal holyfield later on tonight! |
TRE GOLDEN vs SMYTHE D. WONDER
The Camera pans to the announce team!
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He just sent one hell of a message! |
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Boy did he ever!!! |